


Shipwrecked

by bluebootyraider



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, PTSD, depression and mental illness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 09:21:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6278785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluebootyraider/pseuds/bluebootyraider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake is at a place in his life where the only option is to start over...Four years in the future, with barley any conventional education, and a myriad of undiagnosed mental disorders. Not only that, but he just so happens to be in a Universe where he's a fictional character, from a webcomic that's horrors are only spoken in the deepest depths in the internet...as a character that has unwittingly pissed off thousands of emotionally compromised teenage girls.<br/><br/>So, after attempting first logical thing (AKA trying to float the a ship from the depths of a Mariana friggin trench, spoiler alert, it's pretty much beyond repair.) Jake manages to actually make things worse, because apparently that was possible. So much for that idea. God, he's such a muttonhead. Old Huss should have just killed him off like that angry twitter user had suggested, because that was probably how everyone felt. It was how he felt. For a page of hope he sure was useless. Goddamnit.<br/><br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shipwrecked

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was previously titled "unsteady" and so yeah, if you wondered what happened to THAT fanfic. here it is. It's undergoing a bit of a genre change.

 

He had never seen Dirk so surprised as he was on the morning that the he had showed up, full clad in his yellow godtier, at the door of Dirk’s apartment.

“Oh for friggs flipping sake Strider. Aren’t you going to let me in?” Dirk stares at him, his mouth agape.

“Dude, have you even washed that thing since last April?”

“Sure did.” Dirk is silent. The shades are dark but Jake can feel Dirk’s eyes trail downwards. Dirk lets him inside. The apartment was as clean as it ever was. Which means that was a total fucking disaster. Jake can feel a stirring in his stomach as he sits sits down on Dirk’s bed.

Dirk sits in his computer chair putting his hands above his head. He flexes his pectorals and spreads his legs, trying to take up space. Actions which very much contrast with his pale face and sweating palms.

“I’m kind of upset.” Dirk raises his eyebrows.

“Why?”

“We never got to that round of fisticuffs, and you promised me.”

“Well, shit. But I can assume it’s all water under the bridge now, huh? Its funny how people just kind of forget about shit, huh?”

“Consarn it, Dirk.” Jake lays back on the bed. “I flew all the way over here. The least you could do is give me a good ol sparring partner.”

“I already gave you brobot.”

“I don’t want brobot.”

“Then what _do_ you want, English?”

Jake walks up to Dirk, stands there for a moment, and then promptly attempts to pull him out of his chair and position Dirk so he is up against the wall with their bodies flushed. Unfortunately this is _not_ the way it works out and after a pitifully brief moment of grappling Jake, despite his dearest efforts, ends up on the floor.

“If you fuck up my hair I am _literally_ going to kill you.” 

“Well golly gee wilkins Dirk that seems like a bit of an overreaction.” Jake laughs a bit, struggling to push Dirk off of him, but Dirk grits his teeth and uses one elbow to hold Jake down. Dirk growls. That wasn't a good sign. “Is there any particular reason why you’re snarling at me?” Jake asks nervously.

“Jake, be quiet and let me do this.” He exhales. “ You want to do this, right? Because otherwise you are going to have to get the fuck out of here.” Wow. Okay...that is pretty fucking hilarious, especially coming from someone who was lying on top of him, grinding their erection against his thigh.

“Of course!”

“Okay, good,” Dirk says, sucking hard enough that it was sure to leave a visible mark, “And no, you’re not having the upper hand. You don’t have the self control for it.”

“Friggin hell Dirk, you don’t know that!”

“Your phone background was a naked picture of that blue chick from Star Wars for over a year. I know enough, and I don’t want to risk you blowing your load in two minutes.”

Dirk sits up and starts to remove Jake’s shirt. Jake lifts up his arms, rolling his hips and breathing heavily, and Dirk rubs his thumb over the head of Jake’s cock. 

“Get on the bed.” 

_Oh._

“Dirk, I’m not sure I-”

“Then go.” Jake gets on the bed. “I need to get something from the bathroom. Did you take a shower recently?”

“Yes, but Dirk I thought-”

“Jake, if you don’t want any part of this then you can go.”

“No I...”

“Jake, you need to be honest with me. Do you actually want this?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” But Dirk comes back empty handed.

“Uh...I thought you said-”

“I’m not having sex with you. You’re obviously not ready for that. Get on my knee.” Jake does as he is told. Dirk removes Jake’s pants, rubbing and squeezing his ass. It feels amazingly good, and Jake licks off a bit of drool from his lip as he leans into Dirk’s touch. He feels, despite Dirk’s quipping, very prepared for sex. What he is not ready for, is impact.

“JESUS CHEESE AND FUCKING CRACKERS, OW!”

“Dude, chill you really need to work on your performance. That was the shittiest reaction to being spanked I've ever seen. ” Dirk responds.

“Oh shut it Dirk, that really- FUCK!” Jake cries out as Dirk slaps him again. “Why can’t you be nice to me, bro?!” Dirk brings his hand down again and Jake cries out. Dirk puts his other hand in Jake’s hair, rubbing circles in the ruffled, brown mess in an attempt to calm him down.

“Could you at least take the gloves off?” Dirk stops massaging his scalp.

“No.”

“What about your shades.” Jake feels Dirk’s fist clench.

“Jake, no.”

“Please? Dirk this is already turning out to be the opposite of how I wanted to go and-” Dirk pulls back and slaps him again.

“Jake, if you keep complaining, I swear to god... I’m chill with you making noise but the whining is getting old fast. ” Dirk spanks Jake again and Jake whimpers, again and his breathing starts to get heavier, his body flushing.

“Fuck...Dirk this is going to hurt so badly tomorrow.” Jake is sweating, he's pretty sure his ass is getting increasingly numb, which is something he's not sure if he is totally okay with. 

He doesn't have time to complain before Dirk hits him again five more times, each time harder than the last. Whaddya know, his ass was still completely susceptible to pain after all. Thank god. Looks like Dirk was enjoying himself, though. His face is even more smug than usual, and he's even harder than before. Or maybe he's just...yes he's just bigger than Jake remembered. Which makes sense because Dirk had probably never let Jake get him this hard before. It's not like they had really done much besides kissing and weird groping in the tombs. Too much shit to do. To much...physical contact for two people who weren't used to it. Oh christ. Why couldn't he have just gotten a blow job? That would have been so much fucking easier. 

“Good.” His hand is in Jake’s hair again. “Now say my name.”

Jake didn't want to say Dirk's name though, so he stays silent. 

“Jake.” Dirk is asking if he heard, or if he understood.

“Dirk.” Jake says flatly, as if it's statement.

_“Say my name.”_

“I just did.”

“Oh tou-fucking-ché.” Dirk stares at him, even more deadpan than usual. “Jake, if you If you aren’t into this please tell me. Because, I’m going to be real honest here, I’ve got a huge fucking boner and if you're gonna cop out you should -”

“Dirk, please.” Jake says, trying to sound more aroused. Well, he is aroused. Just not really liking the idea of being completely and utterly owned by someone who's already dumped him. But Dirk laughs, which Jake can assume means he's satisfied.

“Hell fucking yes. Now let me see your ass.” Jake’s face flushes as he stands up. It stings a lot, and Dirk looks extremely impressed with himself. “Alright, get on my lap.”

Jake puts his hand on Dirk’s shoulder as he puts one leg on either side of the other boy, sitting on top of his erection. Dirk thrusts up and smirks as Jake can feel himself bounce on his knee. Dirk uses one hand do brace Jake’s shoulder and the other to rub his cock, and smirks when a stain begins to form at the tip of the bulge in Jake’s "pants".

Dirk bites at his neck. Hard, too. It’s not the gentle sort of biting that Jake would see when he watched porn (a fairly rare occasion, considering his high libido, although to be fair he did frequent many a rule thirty four websites in search of his cerulean beauties). No, this was harsh biting. It felt like Dirk was actually trying to draw blood. And it fucking hurt.

Finally, Dirk kisses him on the lips. And Dirk is a fantastic kisser. He starts off slowly, just pecking and biting at Jake’s lower lip but then lets himself gets deeper and more passionate until he’s practically shoving his tongue down Jake’s throat. Jake pants between kisses and grabs at Dirk’s hair, frantically thrusting into the other boy's hand. He’s feeling so close - already. Son of a monkey's asshole, Dirk was right about his stamina issues after all, but nevermind that, just a few more times and he’ll be-

But Dirk takes his hand away. Jake tries furiously to pick up the pace but Dirk grips onto him, holding him still.

“Jake, stop.”

“Dirk, no...please not-” He’s close enough that he can see through Dirk’s shades now. And...oh god...he has never seen Dirk look so heartbroken and angry on his life. It makes his stomach drop to the ground, somehow descend past the floor, and fall into the ocean. Jake sits in shock for a moment.

“Dirk I-”

“No. Listen, it’s no wonder everyone wants a piece of you, you’re fucking premium. But no, we’re not doing anymore than this. And we’re sure as hell not getting back together, which is what I’m assuming you wanted to do. Which is pretty fucking ballsy if you ask me, especially since you stopped talking to me for practically a month. You know what, Jake? I was starting to think for a second that I really..." Dirk stutters for a moment. "And it's probably half my fault, because you actually got me to do this...I’ll tell you one thing. You’re lucky you’re so hot.”

 

Oh.

 

Oh _god._

 

_“You’re lucky you’re so hot.”_

_Jake is shaking with sobs. Jane rolls her eyes and exhales loudly. Now he has snot on his cape and no friends and no pants and a headache. And Jane is gone. Gone forever and taken over by a-_

_“So thankfully, dispite the fact that you are a complete and utter fucking nincompoop, with proper instruction I doubt that even you could be truly awful at this.“_

_No. He had to be dreaming. This can't be happening. She must be joking there was no way she would want to have sex with him. If this was really Jane in there... But it was. It was her. And she was going to... How could she think of him like this? How could she, the kindest person he knew, do this?_

_But...Jake took advantage of her. Even if never, ever, in a million years, meant to hurt her he still did that was still the reality. He had been a horrible friend, so he supposed that, in her mind at least...Jake cringes as he feels her hands, so unfittingly soft and lovely, slipping under the hem of his godtier...repentance._

 

He was an idiot for thinking this would be any different, but some part of him,had hoped that Dirk that Dirk would somehow know that Jake would never mean to be unkind. But he was unkind, and he might as well just accept it, because it wasn't like anything was going to go any differently now if he just lay there and let Dirk do what he was, despite his words, going to do anyways.

Jake shudders and takes a deep breath. 

“Please.”

“Jake, for the last fucking time I’m not having sex with you. I don’t care what you say, I’m doing this for your own good.”

“No you aren’t. You’re only doing this for one person and that’s yourself.” Jake’s heart is beating so fast he can hear it. He’s never felt so angry in his life. For seventeen years he couldn’t hurt a fly and now he wanted to hurt Dirk, his best chum and former right hand comrade, the man who had taken his heart, that was already so worn down and heavy, and stomping on it. After everything, he had tried so hard to keep loving and to keep being strong, not one person in paradox space had ever loved him back.

And Jake knows that Dirk might actually kill him, but all he can feel is the drop of satisfaction and the heat of arousal. In fact, he has never felt more turned on in his life.

“Fine. You know what, you want to do this? Fine.” Dirk throws Jake off his lap and onto the bed and gets up. He always loved to push Jake back and watch him recoil before luring him in again, but Jake wouldn’t turn back now. Dirk could get up and leave, but Jake knew he wouldn’t. Because Jake was _hot_. That might be the only good quality he had and would ever possess but it meant that Dirk just said yes. So he might as well enjoy it because, hopefully, no one else would ever be stupid enough to ever touch Jake like this again.

“Face down, ass in the air.” Dirk practically spits. Jake should have curled up into a ball and wrapped his cape around himself and cried but instead the heat spread further. He practically melts into the pillow, which smells like Dirk’s hair gel and makes him want to rip his fucking tattoo off and throw it. Dirk takes off his own pants and the bottom of Jake’s godtier but leaves his underwear on, pushing his hips onto Jake’s ass so Jake can feel how hard he is. And how big. It was no surprise, though, Dirk had been a pornstar in the beta timeline. He was cut out for the job, and it was only going to make this feel better.

Dirk takes off his underwear and pauses. He hits Jake on the ass again, and Jake moans. It didn’t even sting. Dirk stops to put a condom on before unbuckling the other boy’s belt, leaving both of their shirts on. Jake is mentally preparing himself for fingers but instead can feel the tip Dirk’s cock against his his ass. _Oh jesus creeping christ..._ He shoves the urge to panic back down because that was exactly what Dirk wanted. For Jake to back out and do what Dirk said.

“You’re not going to butter me up first?” Jake laughs nervously.

“No, I’m using actual lube. You should be able to feel it, but maybe you’re too numb from fingering yourself.”

“I was talking about foreplay...”

“Well, I figured if you wanted it to hurt less, you would have tried asking nicely.” Jake winces at the comment. It was one thing if Jake wanted to prove Dirk wrong, and maybe a bit of an asshole in the process...But Dirk wanted to hurt him. 

_Oh, god. What had he done?_ He was a schmuck, was what he was. Of _course_ Dirk could have taken this badly. Had he not known this man for years!? He probably deserved for it to hurt, it was a price he had to pay for being such a nincompoop. 

“Oh don’t worry, Strider. I’ll take you like a fucking champ. I was just wondering if you wanted to stretch me out a bit before you burst your berries in two minutes. What with all your small talk I was assuming you wanted to put on a show.” Dirk pulls Jake’s hips back so he’s just inside of the other boy. Jake yells in pain and grabs at the sheets..

“You don’t deserve a show.” Dirk sounds...hurt. His voice is strained, and he's obviously trying to push something down, but maybe it’s just the physical sensation getting to him. Jake tries to tighten up even more and gives a little _“ha”_ when he hears Dirk’s breath hitch.

“So...you admit you’re premature.” Jake tries to sounds snarky, but it doesn’t come through. There are leaking out of his eyes and his legs are shuddering.

“Nah, unlike you, I don’t spend every waking hour of my life jerking myself to X-Men comics,” Dirk pants, “So I’ve got a bit more experience with self control.” Jake snorts, insulted, at Dirk’s remark before snipping back.

“So you use sex toys like a-”

“I’m not the fucking slut here.” Dirk says, pushing himself almost all the way into Jake, groaning loudly. Jake swears gasps for air but Dirk doesn’t stop. Holy huckleberry this is...not what he thought it would be at all... and this doesn’t even account for the fact that he thought that he would be the one doing the penetrating. Oh boy howdy that was pretty much the epitome of wishful thinking in retrospect.

Finally, after a really freaking long time, Dirk stops and Jake lets his muscles relax a bit. It takes Jake a while to adjust. Although Dirk is heavily lubricated, the feeling is strange and unfamiliar to his body, not to mention Dirk way is too thick to be doing this, and it still enough that Jake thinks something might have torn, albeit not too horribly. He leans into his ex’s touch, his back arching as he tries to get a better angle. Eventually Jake is able to tilt his hips so Dirk is hitting what Jake assumes is his p-spot, which feels pretty fucking amazing, so much so that the pain is pretty much entirely undetectable. Or at least, it's slightly more tolerable.

“Dirk...”

“You like that?”

“Uh huh...”

“Only further proves my point.”

“Holy fucking mackerel, for the love of god Dirk, please move.” Dirk does, very slowly.

“Holy shit I can't believe you're into this. I mean you're...damn you're so hard right now and I haven't even touched you yet. I could just dump my load and you’d love it.” Dirk moves faster, reaching under Jake to touch his cock. It feels _so_ good, but not good enough to stop Dirk's words from stinging. It was bad enough that Dirk wasn't really listening to Jake at all, but Dirk knew, or at least he must have known, that Jake was doing this at least in part to please his friend. Because he did most things to please his friends, and to ignore that fact hurt worse than any sting he had gotten back on his island. But what was the point? If he was just going to end up hurting them anyways...

“You just got me on a lucky day, bro.” Jake remarks through gritted teeth. “Plus, maybe it turns me on that you’re so fucking desperate.” Jake immediately regrets saying it. Dirk grabs Jake’s shoulders and thrusts as hard as he can, falling into rhythm as he pushes Jake’s head into the pillow and growls.

“You fucking _son of a bitch.”_

“I’m sorry...Dirk please!”

“Fuck you, Jake. I can’t believe you’re doing this when I agreed to do what you want." 

“I’m sorry.” Tears are starting well up in Jake’s eyes. “I didn’t... _ah_...know.”

“Yes you did. You fucking did." Dirk sucks in air and rolls his hips. "I hate you so much..." 

Jake almost breaks down right then and there, but tries his best to focus on at least getting to orgasm. If he could just get his hips up a bit higher, Dirk would rub against that spot again...but Dirk is trying to go fast enough that he can outpace Jake, and hits him hard when he tries to go for his own cock. Eventually Jake gives up, letting his body colapse into the pillow as Dirk groans, his cock twitching. It's the longer than any orgasm Jake has ever had and Jake is feels for a fleeting moment that it won't ever end. 

Dirk's disposition softens after he comes, and he holds Jake's legs soothingly, and Jake leans into the touch. Jake's body quivers and beacons for more, and his dick feels like it's on fire, but he doesn't dare touch himself again. Eventually, Dirk just pulls out and leaves Jake face down on the bed.

A long moment passes. That moment turns into a minute, and that minute turns into however long it takes for everything to dry and turn disgusting and make Jake want to be sick. He doesn't though, he just sits on Dirk’s bed, because when he gets up he’s going to have to leave. And the only thing more painful than sleeping with Dirk was sleeping alone.

Dirk watches him the entire time, and neither of them says anything. There wasn’t anything to say. Only the two of them, sitting inches apart while Jake pretended to sleep. After a while Jake rouses himself.

“Can I use your bathroom so I can change?”

“Knock yourself out.” Dirk’s voice is flat and unmoving. Jake moves silently, a heat in his face. He gets changed quickly, captchalogues the soiled god-tier, and looks in the mirror.

His face is still flushed, but his eyes are filled with tears. They are more green than usual in the bright lighting. His neck is covered in bruises, and he pulls out a scarf from his sylladex to cover it. (He had thought of hickeys before.) His glasses, somehow, had not came off during the whole ordeal, and as he wipes them off with his clean shirt, he can see that they left a red mark on the bridge of his nose. With the marks covered up, he doesn’t look conspicuous. But he felt like a monster. The sort of disgustingness that sits in your gut and makes your mouth and skin feel unclean. Jake starts to cry.

He cries for a long time, so long that, by the time he came out, the sun had already set.

Dirk takes one look at him and turns away.

“I’m so sorry. Dirk please. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m impulsive and stupid and you know that. I deserve anything you’re going to do to me. If you want me to stay...I know you don’t like me but if you want to.-”

“Stop, Jake...I’m the one who should be sorry.” Dirk’s voice is barley audible. “I don’t know what you thought you were going to get out of this...” Dirk is silent, his lips shut tight. 

“ But you shouldn't have come to me. And I'm not saying that like it's your fault either.” He says, and puts his head in his hands. “I’m sorry.” He says, then says it again. “Jake I’m so _fucking sorry.”_

Jake sniffles. 

“I was thinking about it and...We can’t talk anymore. I can’t even have a healthy friendship with you, let alone a healthy relationship. Roxy and Jane love you, and I...you’re better off with them. I honestly hope you don’t give up on yourself, because you deserve so much better than this.”

But he didn’t. He didn’t. He had wanted to hurt Dirk had the right to hurt him back. He deserved it.

“Listen, I pulled some shit on Dave in the pre scratch. And I'm pulling shit on you. So, unless I want to be the guy my own kid would have rather met Bec fucking Noir than see again, I need to get my act together. And to be honest Jake, for your own safety, I don’t think that act can involve you.”

Jake doesn’t respond, just wipes his nose on his jacket sleeve and moves to walk out the door.

“Jake...”

“What?”

“I don’t hate you.” Dirk whispers.

Jake can’t stand to be in the same room with him any longer, so he jumps off the platform where Dirk had lived for almost seventeen years and lets the air catch him on his way down. 


	2. "The breakfast club scene, only shittier"

 

“Uh...dude? Are you okay? No offense but you look kinda...like you got run over by a giant grisly bear.” John looks at his friend and relative quizzically.

“I crashed on the way here...I think I need a new prescription.”

“I thought you said you using the portals...that’s really weird that you crashed, no offense.” John looks worried. Jake covers his neck instinctively. 

“Uh...” John laughs sheepishly.

“Maybe it was too dark? Jade is really smart and stuff and she might be able to help you tomorrow! Do you need to use my shower?" 

“That...yes. Most definitely. I feel disgusting right now.” Jake laughs a bit. 

“Alright, that's cool! the bathroom is at the end of the hallway at the top of the stairs on the right. You can open a new bar of soap if you want, they’re in the cabinet under the sink. You can borrow some of my PJs. I alchemized a bunch of ghostbuster themed stuff if you want to keep it! You can crash here if you want, too! I mean I guess we can share a bed if that’s not like...weird.” John says.

“Oh, no. Not at all. I don’t think anything can bother me anymore. ” Jake laughs awkwardly, and John gives him an awkward side smile. 

“Oh I totally get it, man. Stuff got really weird in the game, and I don't think it's gotten any less weird. I'm still getting used to things." John looks at the end of the hallway and furrows his eyebrows. He sighs before perking up, leading Jake to the bathroom. “Maybe we can watch the Weekend at Bernie's in the morning!”

“Well I’m all wet for that!”

“Okay cool! So I’m going to brush my teeth and call Roxy so I can say goodnight to her! Do you want me to say hi for you?”

“Yeah, sure!”

Jake nods in affirmation and starts to walk up the stairs. He can hear John dial Roxy’s number on his cellphone. Jake can hear John’s voice brighten up when he hears Roxy and something warm stirs inside of him. He smiles.

 

 

\---- tipsyGnostic [TG] began pestering golothagasTerror [GT]-----

TG: jakey bae what is uppp  
TG: alright u gotta text me back this time i want 2 know why ur crashin @ johns house  
TG: jake  
GT: Oh gadzooks sorry roxy i was in the shower! I didnt mean to give you the cold shoulder.  
TG: np its totally cool jakey i know u werent ignorin me rly im just checkin 2 make sure u got my text  
TG: you take longass showers tho  
TG: u havin some fun in there sreleasin some manly urges of urs ;)  
GT: *Wipes forhead with hankerchief* What a brazen question to ask of me roxy clearly i am someone has NO experience with that whatsoever. But alas no did not have a session of spank the monkey in my relatives shower. I feel like that may be crossing a line even for me.  
TG: jfc yeah i would hope  
TG: esp bc ive been in there and that place has been through enough hell as is  
GT: ...  
TG: get ur mind outta the gutter english its not like that  
TG: ok it was SORT of like that but not RLY its hard 2 explain & also kinda tmi  
TG: i mean if you WANT 2 know id tell u but i dont think you do  
GT: Right...Roxy thats um...kind of what i wanted to talk about.  
TG: wait srsly?  
GT: Yes.  
TG: u really want 2 talk about it!?  
GT: Yes. Roxy yes. I do. I really want to talk about it!!!  
TG: sheesh okay i sucked him off u want me 2 tell u what his cum tasted like or wat man ur soundin p desperate 4 details rn  
GT: BOY SHITTING HOWDY ROXY THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL!!!  
TG: jakey holy shit i am so sry did i traumatize u!?  
GT: Holy guacamole...  
TG: omg i am so sry!!!  
TG: but ur gonna have 2 specify i have NO idea what ur talkin about tbh  
GT: Can you promise not to kill me?  
TG: wtf did you DO  
TG: or may i ask WHO did you to ;)  
GT: ...  
TG: :O  
TG: holy  
TG: fucking  
TG: shit  
TG: jakey did you actually lose your virginity  
GT: Im sorry.  
TG: omg no dont apologize thats kinda awesome tbh was it w someone in the NU!?  
GT: No it was someone...from the game.  
TG: okay now im sweatin was it janey!?!?!?!  
GT: No.  
TG: ok since u did not in fact hurt my cinnabon i am officially not murdering you  
TG: but who was it?  
GT: It was dirk.  
TG: oh  
GT: Im really sorry roxy...If it makes you feel any better it was kind of a flat tire.  
TG: no jake im not mad @ u pls dont think im mad im just kinda processing this rn  
TG: wait a flat tire? i virtually have no idea what that means but in sex context i know that it cant be good  
TG: so like...does that mean u couldnt get it up?  
GT: Erm...no thats not really what it means it all. I mean that it was a complete failure. Which is to say that yes I did get hard but it hurt.  
TG: um jake it shouldnt hurt i think that means youre doin it wrong  
TG: did streach it out enough sometimes it will hurt if you don't stretch it out  
GT: Yes uh...that was not exactly part of the events that transpired during out petting session.  
TG: so he had no idea what he was doing? that seems kind of OOC for dirk given that hes such a perfectionist and like...sort of a pornstar in an alt universe.  
GT: Well I mean Hes a shiek and all that and hes good with all that stuff so i assume knew what do to.  
TG: wait but he just didnt?  
GT: I suppose thats one way to put it.  
TG: ...  
GT: I made the solicitation though. It was my offer and he took me up on it. I mean o hate to put him in the proverbial slammer...Most of it was me.  
TG: jake  
TG: did u even have fun @ all!?  
GT: To be perfectly level with you roxy... It was one of the worst decisions I ever made. And thats SAYING something. I thought it was going to make me feel better about myself but it made me feel completely worthless. He didnt understand my intentions and i think he thought i was mocking him so he lost his lid for a while. Ive never seen him flip his wig like that. Not to mention that I was sort of...in a vulnerable position.  
TG: eugh yeah that must not have been fun  
TG: did you at least get to like...i mean this sounds stupid but did you like physically have fun?  
GT: Part of the anger fit involved him sort of intentionally not letting me come...so that would be a no as well. I mean for a while it was alright but id rather not go into specifics if thats okay with you.  
TG: D: wtf man that sucks! do you want me 2 get jane 2 beat him up 4 u? she'd totally do it & would probably pay you if you asked  
GT: Roxy please dont bring her into this. I dont think she wants to know...and its probably best that she doesnt. For her dirks sake as well as my own...  
TG: im kidding abt the jane thing...im not like gonna make a huge deal and ruin our friendship so dw abt that HOWEVER im startin 2 feel like he went 2 far this time  
TG: i guess if he u were tryna dupe him or smth i can see why he might get angry but idk it all seems sus 2 me.  
TG: also pls dont worry about jane reacting badly shed probs be better about it than youd think she bc rly loves u <3  
TG: platonically i mean i think shes over all that crushin nonsense :P  
GT: Honestly im just glad we can be friends now because i certainly love her too.  
GT: In the platonic sense.  
TG: but yes stay at johns house it suck to have u sleepin alone  
GT: Yes i think that may have been one of my better decisions today...anyways i have to go now but roxy thank you so much for your help! You sure are a wonderwench!  
TG: okay im gonna assume that was a complement and say that u are the one sweetest guys on the planet *platonically kisses ur face*   
TG: wait 1 more thing  
TG: i know ur going through a tough time but plz PLZ  
TG: dont hurt yourself okay?  


 

\---- tipsyGnostic [TG] ceased pestering gologothasTerror [GT] -----

 

_“Jane come down here right now! We have a break in!” Jade’s voice echoes through the hallway. Jane stops cold and abruptly pushes herself away from Jake._

_“Don't bother,” she says cooly, locking him in before Jake has time to go for the door. "I'll be back."_

_But Jane doesn’t come back. In fact, only a few minutes pass before Kanaya uses her chainsaw to break the lock on the jail cell, and Rose helps Jake up of the floor of the prison cell._

_“Are you alright?” Rose asks, looking at him with an expression that tells him she's not really focused on his answer._

_"I...think so." Jake says, not sure if he's lying or not. Kanaya puts a hand on his arm, and the three of them walk out together._

\---- gologothasTerror [GT] began pestering tipsyGnostic [TG] -----

 

GT: I wont.   
GT: I promise.   


 

\---- gologothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostic [TG] -----

 

\---- gologothasTerror [GT] began pestering tipsyGnostic [TG] -----

 

GT: *Graciously if not somewhat flusterdley accepts platonic face kisses.*

  


 

\---- gologothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostic [TG] -----

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright at long last, here is another chapter. Thanks to kforshort for helping me write this!

He thought getting back to normal would be as simple as going back to his island, or at least whatever Dave and Jade had been able to restore. But was something seriously wrong the minute he stepped back in the door.   
It had started badly and kept spiraling downwards. It got to the point where it hurt to get out of bed, and to eat. He kept giving himself breaks and leeway until he simply gave up trying. He was so lonely, but his interactions with his friends made him even lonelier.   
It seemed so odd with them around now. Jane was not acting like her normal cheerful self. She didn’t often talk with him, but when she did, she seemed scared and almost reserved. He had already gone too far by confiding in Roxy. He was sure that once she had heard Dirk’s side of the story, she had sided with him anyways. He couldn’t tell John anything. It was bad enough that Roxy already knew and he couldn’t risk their current standing as bros. And Jade hadn’t so much as given him a ring. Besides, he couldn’t even look her eye, how the schtupping hell was he supposed to carry on a conversation?

So he had just stopped talking everyone again. It was low of him, and he knew it, but there was no way he could emotionally handle any more sympathy and guilt. He heard it buzz occasionally, but eventually he just turned it off. It was too painful. He didn’t want to see his friends angry or hurt because of him. He would just rather be alone.  
And he got his wish. He had two months of being alone. When someone finally did show up at his door,they were not someone Jake was expecting.   
"You know what, Jake? For someone nook deep in a red relationship with Dave ‘I don’t understand how basic hygiene works and have to literally be forced to use cleaning bars by my goddamn matesprit’ Strider, you still manage to fucking surprise me with the amount of hoofbeast shit you get yourself into. When was the last time you ate?” Jake stared at blankly at and Karkat looks at him in exasperation.   
“I forgot.” He answers, finding it quite hard to focus. His throat felt like it was stuffed with cotton. With a cough, he realizes that it had been weeks since he last talked to anyone.   
“You humans are literally going to be the fucking death me. How do you not remember? It’s instinct, dipshit. You’re supposed to get hungry. And don’t tell me that humans don’t get hungry because they do.” Karkat took ceramic cake pan filled with something that definitely wasn’t cake out of his sylladex and placed it on the table next to Jake’s microwave. He scooped some of it into a bowl and placed it inside, pressing the start button. “Okay, so here’s the plan. This is a thing I made with grub sauce, meat, and some starch pods. I think humans would call it a casserole or something but I don’t know, nor do I give a flying fuck. The plan is that you’re not going to starve to death. Understood?”  
“Uh…yes?” His vision was starting to blur, even with glasses. He blinked several times, but his it only made his headache even worse. Jake sits up and squints. His stomach makes a rumbling sound and Jake winces. Karkat kept talking to him about needing to wash himself, but Jake could barely register what was going on.   
“Jake? Did you literally hear a word of what I just said?”  
“Uh…”  
“Whatever, probably for the best anyways. Just go take a shower before I spill any more shit from my squawk gaper.”  
“What? Forgive me, but I’m feeling a bit balled up right now.” Jake said before trying to get up. It was fruitless however, and he loses his balance almost immediately. He grabbed onto Karkat’s shirt and the troll braced him.   
“Shitfucking son of nook whiffer, Jake, what the hell!?” Karkat said, looking more concerned than angry.   
“ Just, Okay, whatever, forget the shower, Jake. There’s obviously some bigger shit to deal with right now. Where’s your portal? ” Karkat asks him.   
“I-I don’t think I’m going to get a wiggle on so easily in this state, seeing as I can barely stand up.” Jake responds woozily. The world is starting to spin around him.   
“Fuck that, I’ll help you, just tell me where the portal is.” But before Jake could respond, everything went black. 

When he woke up, he was on someone else's couch. Dave and Kanaya were sitting on either side of him, Karkat was pacing anxiously at the foot of the bed, and Rose was knitting something in a chair beside him. Kanaya put down her book and stared awkwardly at Jake for a good minute before calling out to the other woman.   
“Rose? The John-looking human is awake now. I’m not quite sure what to do with him.” She eventually decides on tucking a blanket around him, touching his shoulders gently. He was already too hot, but Jake was thankful for the affection.   
“Yo dude, we thought you’d kicked the bucket for good this time.” Dave says.   
“God fucking dammit, Dave. Did you really have to go there?” Jake doesn’t get what’s so awful about the phrasing, but Karkat’s clearly offended by it. Dave looked a bit proud of himself.   
“Wait, shit, can I sing the song!? Dude I wanna sing the fucking song. Yo Jake, you wanna here the ‘ragesturbation’ song?” Jake’s not sure how much he wants to hear of anything right now. His headache is back tenfold, and he probably doesn’t look all that interested from the outside, but Dave doesn’t really seem to notice. “Trust me, this shit’s more fucking wild than the fanfiction.net account Rose used to post to when she was 12. And that shits traumatizing. Oh fuck man, some of the fucking content out there is colder than somebody’s asshole dipped in liquid nitrogen and placed on fucking neptune. And not the dude, the planet, because that’s shits cold man. Like   
‘I can never listen to Sarah Mclachlan's ‘Ice Cream’ ever a-fucking-gain cold.’” Dave sighs before pulling his phone out of his pocket. A look of pure terror flashes across Karkat’s face.   
“Dave bitchshitting, crotchblistering, son of a woofbeast Strider…Don’t you fucking dare-” Karkat runs to grab the phone out of Dave’s hands, tackling him. They nearly fall onto Jake, who scoots away and almost pushes Kanaya off the bed.   
“Okay, okay fine. I’ll just tell the screaming yaoi fangirls to calm their singular non-party tit and we’re all good here.” Karkat sighs loudly and rests his head on Dave’s chest, who ruffles his hair affectionately. “You know they’re probably really fucking disappointed right now? We gave them hope, Karkat. Hope for the yaois. They’re probably closing their deviantart accounts by the thousands. If you listen closely, you can probably hear the fix-it fics being written right now. Goddamnit.” Karkat groans into Dave’s shirt. “Also, it’s Dave Elizabeth Strider. I think we have to all be clear on the fact that this is what I am going to be referred to for the rest of my life. Shit fits me.”  
Rose chuckles.   
“Maybe if you rub his horns, Dave, he’ll start purring. I’ve heard that it can be quite stimulating.”  
“That’s it. I’m leaving.” Karkat gets up, blushing furiously. “I have put the earth human casserole in the terrifying radioactive heating device and you nooklickers are responsible for it now.” Karkat walks out, grumbling to himself. “This is why we can’t have nice things.”   
“Rose, I think, perhaps, that you may be misinformed. Troll horns do not contain any nerve endings. Thus, touching one wouldn’t be much more erotic for either party than stroking a toenail.” Rose puts a finger over Kanaya’s lips to shoosh her.   
Jake notices that she has a port wine stain on her hand, which is outlined in black ink. A tattoo. He will have to ask Rose where she got it.   
“Perhaps it will be a good way for the two of you to take out some of that pesky, unabated sexual frustration that’s been bothering you for the last four years.”   
“Says the girl who probably invented tentabulges.” Dave mutters under his breath.   
There is an awkward silence. Jake opened his mouth, probably to ask why/how they had even gotten him...was this where Rose and Kanaya were staying? They had promised to take care of the Lusi on Jake’s island, as they would need them to parent the baby trolls. Sure enough, one look out the window and he saw a swarm of tinkerbulls grazing happily in the grass outside the house. He smiles a bit. He missed the little guys.   
Rose hands him a glass of water which Jake drinks readily. The way it felt when it hit his throat was absolutely perfect. He gasps for air when it’s empty, and Rose goes to get him some more.   
“Do you need Dave to get you some food?” Rose looked expectantly at her brother, who snapped up suddenly, his cheeks slightly red.   
“Yes please, if you don’t mind. I’m absolutely famished right now. ” Jake says. “Of course, I can always wait if it’s too much trouble.”   
“Don’t worry about it, dude, you look hungry.” Dave’s tone is awkward and for a moment Jake thinks it even sounds a bit flustered, but it was probably his imagination.  
Dave walks out of the room and comes back with a steaming plate of what looked like shepherd's pie. He gingerly hands it to Jake, who immediately starts shoveling it into his face. When was last time he ate anyways? It must have been at least 24 hours.   
“Did I ever tell you that you looked like Harry Potter?” Rose asked Jake, shooting Dave a look that Jake can’t quite read. “Not the movie version.” Rose clarifies when Jake tilts his head in confusion. “The way I imagine him in the books.”  
“No?” Jake said, his mouth half full of mashed potatoes. He hasn’t finished reading the Harry Potter books. He had liked the first one, but had never gotten around to reading the sequel; he had watched all the movies though. Jake knew it was bad fan conduct, but he couldn’t help himself. Reading was just a bit hard for him. He would always end up getting lost on the page or forgetting what happened.  
“You do. It’s the eyes.” Jake nods and continues to eat.   
He goes through at least two or three more plates before he even starts to feel full, and by the time he does, Kanaya is already handing him the rest. He decided on just finishing it off, despite the fact that he was starting to feel sick.   
“I may be in need of a new pair of trousers after this affair is over.” He says to Rose, who chuckles a bit. Dave, who was getting increasingly fidgety as the ordeal went on, gets up very quickly before saying an errant goodbye. Rose looks at Dave and then shakes her head. There is a brief pause and Jake continues. “Although, it is a spectacular excuse to stop wearing my god tier.”  
“Do you need to use the shower?” The tips of Jake’s ears turn red when it starts to sink in how run down he must look.   
“Yes, please.”   
“You can use mine. I wouldn’t recommend using Dave’s; the drain is probably going to be clogged.”  
“Rose, what the fuck!?” Dave yells from down the hallway.  
“I knew it.” She says, then calls after him “You know that death grip is a serious epidemic among young men? Be careful Dave, we wouldn’t want anything permanently damaged, would we?”  
“I am particularly concerned by your use of the word we, Rose.” Kanaya says. Jake isn’t sure if she’s joking or not, but he’s not sure he wants to find out either. Kanaya has a look on her face that says she’s not deeply bothered by it, so Jake shrugs it off. He doesn’t like being in awkward situations, anyways, so it’s better to just ignore them and continue to focus on something better. Like taking a shower.   
Dave allowed Jake to use his shower and all his amenities too. He was quite an amiable fellow and Jake is quite pleased to find out the drain is not, in fact, clogged. He understood that it was a joke, but that didn’t mean he particularly wanted to think about clogged drains right then. Especially not drains clogged with a Strider’s - er fluids.  
But it would be completely unfair to compare Dave to his brother.   
Jake dries himself off and wrapped a towel around his waist. He finds that there were several disposable razors under the sink, as well as an unopened toothbrush. Jake shaves and brushes his teeth. Luckily most of the damage, aside from a bit of of weight loss, seemed temporary. His teeth hadn’t gotten stained too badly from the neglect, thankfully. He really didn’t want to have to go to the dentist, although he supposed that it would probably end up being inevitable. He looks at the clock beside the sink. It was almost nine o’clock. Almost 4 hours had past since Karkat had come over. He must have been out for at least three.   
When Jake came out, Karkat and Dave were snuggled up against each other, with Karkat’s head on Dave’s lap. They both look a little bit embarrassed when they find Jake looking at them.   
“You can sit down if you want.” Dave gestured to a spot beside him. It’s a small couch and he ends up very much nestled right in with the two of them. Karkat looks up at him.   
“Jake, are you okay?” The troll asks, and Jake raises an eyebrow.   
“Why yes of course. I’m happy as a clam, why would you ask?” Karkat sighs, it’s obviously not the answer he wanted to hear, but for the moment, it’s true enough.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There should be a new update, but it might take a while. I have an outline now, but i am going to distress post-homestuck before I can post anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright at long last, here is another chapter. Thanks to kforshort for helping me write this!

He thought getting back to normal would be as simple as going back to his island, or at least whatever Dave and Jade had been able to restore. But was something seriously wrong the minute he stepped back in the door. 

It had started badly and kept spiraling downwards. It got to the point where it hurt to get out of bed, and to eat. He kept giving himself breaks and leeway until he simply gave up trying. He was so lonely, but his interactions with his friends made him even lonelier.

It seemed so odd with them around now. Jane was not acting like her normal cheerful self. She didn’t often talk with him, but when she did, she seemed scared and almost reserved. He had already gone too far by confiding in Roxy. He was sure that once she had heard Dirk’s side of the story, she had sided with him anyways. He couldn’t tell John anything. It was bad enough that Roxy already knew and he couldn’t risk their current standing as bros. And Jade hadn’t so much as given him a ring. Besides, he couldn’t even look her eye, how the schtupping hell was he supposed to carry on a conversation?

So he had just stopped talking everyone again. It was low of him, and he knew it, but there was no way he could emotionally handle any more sympathy and guilt. He heard it buzz occasionally, but eventually he just turned it off. It was too painful. He didn’t want to see his friends angry or hurt because of him. He would just rather be alone.

And he got his wish. He had two months of being alone. When someone finally did show up at his door,they were not someone Jake was expecting. 

"You know what, Jake? For someone nook deep in a red relationship with Dave ‘I don’t understand how basic hygiene works and have to literally be forced to use cleaning bars by my goddamn matesprit’ Strider, you still manage to fucking surprise me with the amount of hoofbeast shit you get yourself into. When was the last time you ate?” Jake stared at blankly at and Karkat looks at him in exasperation. 

“I forgot.” He answers, finding it quite hard to focus. His throat felt like it was stuffed with cotton. With a cough, he realizes that it had been weeks since he last talked to anyone.

“You humans are literally going to be the fucking death me. How do you not remember? It’s instinct, dipshit. You’re supposed to get hungry. And don’t tell me that humans don’t get hungry because they do.” Karkat took ceramic cake pan filled with something that definitely wasn’t cake out of his sylladex and placed it on the table next to Jake’s microwave. He scooped some of it into a bowl and placed it inside, pressing the start button. “Okay, so here’s the plan. This is a thing I made with grub sauce, meat, and some starch pods. I think humans would call it a casserole or something but I don’t know, nor do I give a flying fuck. The plan is that you’re not going to starve to death. Understood?”

“Uh…yes?” His vision was starting to blur, even with glasses. He blinked several times, but his it only made his headache even worse. Jake sits up and squints. His stomach makes a rumbling sound and Jake winces. Karkat kept talking to him about needing to wash himself, but Jake could barely register what was going on. 

“Jake? Did you literally hear a word of what I just said?

“Uh…”

“Whatever, probably for the best anyways. Just go take a shower before I spill any more shit from my squawk gaper.”

“What? Forgive me, but I’m feeling a bit balled up right now.” Jake said before trying to get up. It was fruitless however, and he loses his balance almost immediately. He grabbed onto Karkat’s shirt and the troll braced him. 

“Shitfucking hell, Jake, are you okay?” Karkat said, looking more concerned than angry. Jake didn’t answer and Karkat nervously continued. “Just, Okay, whatever, forget the shower. There’s obviously some bigger shit to deal with right now. Where’s your portal? ” Karkat asks him. 

“I-I don’t think I’m going to get a wiggle on so easily in this state, seeing as I can barely stand up.” Jake responds woozily. The world is starting to spin around him. 

“Fuck that, I’ll help you, just tell me where the portal is.” But before Jake could respond, everything went black. 

When he woke up, he was on someone else's couch. Dave and Kanaya were sitting on either side of him, Karkat was pacing anxiously at the foot of the bed, and Rose was knitting something in a chair beside him. Kanaya put down her book and stared awkwardly at Jake for a good minute before calling out to the other woman. 

“Rose? The John-looking human is awake now. I’m not quite sure what to do with him.” She eventually decides on tucking a blanket around him, touching his shoulders gently. He was already too hot, but Jake was thankful for the affection. 

“Yo dude, we thought you’d kicked the bucket for good this time.” Dave says. 

“God fucking dammit, Dave. Did you really have to go there?” Jake doesn’t get what’s so awful about the phrasing, but Karkat’s clearly offended by it. Dave looked a bit proud of himself. 

“Wait, shit, can I sing the song!? Dude I wanna sing the fucking song. Yo Jake, you wanna here the ‘ragesturbation’ song?” Jake’s not sure how much he wants to hear of anything right now. His headache is back tenfold, and he probably doesn’t look all that interested from the outside, but Dave doesn’t really seem to notice. “Trust me, this shit’s more fucking wild than the fanfiction.net account Rose used to post to when she was 12. And that shits _traumatizing._ Oh fuck man, some of the fucking content out there is colder than somebody’s asshole dipped in liquid nitrogen and placed on fucking neptune. And not the dude, the planet, because that’s shits cold man. Like   
‘I can never listen to Sarah Mclachlan's ‘Ice Cream’ ever a-fucking-gain cold.’” Dave sighs before pulling his phone out of his pocket. A look of pure terror flashes across Karkat’s face. 

“Dave _bitchshitting, crotchblistering, son of a woofbeast Strider_ …don’t you fucking dare-” Karkat runs to grab the phone out of Dave’s hands, tackling him. They nearly fall onto Jake, who scoots away and almost pushes Kanaya off the bed. 

“Okay, okay _fine_. I’ll just tell the screaming yaoi fangirls to calm their singular non-party tit and we’re all good here.” Karkat sighs loudly and rests his head on Dave’s chest, who ruffles his hair affectionately. “You know they’re probably really _fucking_ disappointed right now? We gave them hope, Karkat. Hope for the yaois. They’re probably closing their deviantart accounts by the thousands. If you listen closely, you can probably hear the fix-it fics being written right now. Goddamnit.” Karkat groans into Dave’s shirt. “Also, it’s Dave _Elizabeth_ Strider. I think we have to all be clear on the fact that this is what I am going to be referred to for the rest of my life. Shit fits me.”

Rose chuckles. 

“Maybe if you rub his horns, Dave, he’ll start purring. I’ve heard that it can be quite _stimulating._ ”

“That’s it. I’m leaving.” Karkat gets up, blushing furiously. “I have put the earth human casserole in the terrifying radioactive heating device and you nooklickers are responsible for it now.” Karkat walks out, grumbling to himself. “This is why we can’t have nice things.” 

“Rose, I think, perhaps, that you may be misinformed. Troll horns do not contain any nerve endings. Thus, touching one wouldn’t be much more erotic for either party than stroking a toenail.” Rose puts a finger over Kanaya’s lips to shoosh her. 

Jake notices that she has a port wine stain on her hand, which is outlined in black ink. A tattoo. He will have to ask Rose where she got it. 

“Perhaps it will be a good way for the two of you to take out some of that pesky, unabated sexual frustration that’s been bothering you for the last four years.” 

“Says the girl who probably invented tentabulges.” Dave mutters under his breath. 

There is an awkward silence. Jake opened his mouth, probably to ask why/how they had even gotten him...was this where Rose and Kanaya were staying? They had promised to take care of the Lusi on Jake’s island, as they would need them to parent the baby trolls. Sure enough, one look out the window and he saw a swarm of tinkerbulls grazing happily in the grass outside the house. He smiles a bit. He missed the little guys. 

Rose hands him a glass of water which Jake drinks readily. The way it felt when it hit his throat was absolutely perfect. He gasps for air when it’s empty, and Rose goes to get him some more. 

“Do you need Dave to get you some food?” Rose looked expectantly at her brother, who snapped up suddenly, his cheeks slightly red. 

“Yes please, if you don’t mind. I’m absolutely famished right now. ” Jake says. “Of course, I can always wait if it’s too much trouble.” 

“Don’t worry about it, dude, you look hungry.” Dave’s tone is awkward and for a moment Jake thinks it even sounds a bit flustered, but it was probably his imagination.

Dave walks out of the room and comes back with a steaming plate of what looked like shepherd's pie. He gingerly hands it to Jake, who immediately starts shoveling it into his face. When _was_ last time he ate anyways? It must have been at least 24 hours. 

“Did I ever tell you that you looked like Harry Potter?” Rose asked Jake, shooting Dave a look that Jake can’t quite read. “Not the movie version.” Rose clarifies when Jake tilts his head in confusion. “The way I imagine him in the books.”

“No?” Jake said, his mouth half full of mashed potatoes. He hasn’t finished reading the Harry Potter books. He had liked the first one, but had never gotten around to reading the sequel; he had watched all the movies though. Jake knew it was bad fan conduct, but he couldn’t help himself. Reading was just a bit hard for him. He would always end up getting lost on the page or forgetting what happened.

“You do. It’s the eyes.” Jake nods and continues to eat. 

He goes through at least two or three more plates before he even starts to feel full, and by the time he does, Kanaya is already handing him the rest. He decided on just finishing it off, despite the fact that he was starting to feel sick. 

“I may be in need of a new pair of trousers after this affair is over.” He says to Rose, who chuckles a bit. Dave, who was getting increasingly fidgety as the ordeal went on, gets up very quickly before saying an errant goodbye. Rose looks at Dave and then shakes her head. There is a brief pause and Jake continues. “Although, it is a spectacular excuse to stop wearing my god tier.”

“Do you need to use the shower?” The tips of Jake’s ears turn red when it starts to sink in how run down he must look. 

“Yes, please.” 

“You can use mine. I wouldn’t recommend using Dave’s; the drain is probably going to be clogged.”

“Rose, what the fuck!?” Dave yells from down the hallway.

“I knew it.” She says, then calls after him “You know that death grip is a serious epidemic among young men? Be careful Dave, we wouldn’t want anything permanently damaged, would we?”

“I am particularly concerned by your use of the word _we,_ Rose.” Kanaya says. Jake isn’t sure if she’s joking or not, but he’s not sure he wants to find out either. Kanaya has a look on her face that says she’s not deeply bothered by it, so Jake shrugs it off. He doesn’t like being in awkward situations, anyways, so it’s better to just ignore them and continue to focus on something better. Like taking a shower. 

Dave allowed Jake to use his shower and all his amenities too. He was quite an amiable fellow and Jake is quite pleased to find out the drain is not, in fact, clogged. He understood that it was a joke, but that didn’t mean he particularly wanted to think about clogged drains right then. Especially not drains clogged with a Strider’s - er fluids.

But it would be completely unfair to compare Dave to his brother. 

Jake dries himself off and wrapped a towel around his waist. He finds that there were several disposable razors under the sink, as well as an unopened toothbrush. Jake shaves and brushes his teeth. Luckily most of the damage, aside from a bit of of weight loss, seemed temporary. His teeth hadn’t gotten stained too badly from the neglect, thankfully. He really didn’t want to have to go to the dentist, although he supposed that it would probably end up being inevitable. He looks at the clock beside the sink. It was almost nine o’clock. Almost 4 hours had past since Karkat had come over. He must have been out for at least three. 

When Jake came out, Karkat and Dave were snuggled up against each other, with Karkat’s head on Dave’s lap. They both look a little bit embarrassed when they find Jake looking at them. 

“You can sit down if you want.” Dave gestured to a spot beside him. It’s a small couch and he ends up very much nestled right in with the two of them. Karkat looks up at him. 

“Jake, are you okay?” The troll asks, and Jake raises an eyebrow. 

“Why yes of course. I’m happy as a clam, why would you ask?” Karkat sighs, it’s obviously not the answer he wanted to hear, but for the moment, it’s true enough. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There should be a new update, but it might take a while. I have an outline now, but i am going to distress post-homestuck before I can post anymore.


End file.
